Shiny Bullet
by yummyjellybean
Summary: Malcolm Reynolds a space cowboy and criminal by reputation is broken down and challenged slowly by the strange actions and musings of the doc's sister, River. Mal/River pairing (however will include all Serenity crew).
1. Bull in a China Shop

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of Joss Whedon's characters.  
Starts in Maidenhead Bar on Beaumonde when River is triggered by the advert.**

Mal whipped his head around as he heard Jayne yelling. Getting up and joining the fray,

"What's all this ruckus?" He asked getting up from the booth where he'd been sitting with the Feldman brothers.

Stepping into the bar he was faced with River blurring across the room, taking out every person in her way like they weighed no more than a pillow. Jayne made for her and Mal almost went to intercept, worried what Jayne might do to River and in turn what Simon would do to him should his sister come to harm. Abruptly Mal was reminded it was River that had gone mad starting her own one woman war as she round-house kicked Jayne across the head and he made an almighty thump as he hit the floor.

Mal gave her a width birth and started trying to get round the back of her, though that kept changing as she went. She shot more and more men, making it worse and worse. She had a concentrated look on her face, River wasn't there anymore. At least he hoped not. Mal grabbed his gun as she came round to face him, both had their guns loaded, hers pointed straight at his chest.

She hesitated just a moment, her eyes flickered just a second. _BANG_.

* * *

Jayne woke with a start. He sat up looking around. "What the gorram, Jao Gao, where is that ruttin'..." he stopped as his eyes came upon Mal, he was crouched over a body. Jayne clutched the side of his head, scrunching his eyes.

"Cap'n, I told you that girl was nothin' but dangerous since they came on the ship," he grumbled, clambering to his feet. As he got closer he noticed River was the body Mal was hunched over. "What the hell happened?" Jayne asked suddenly confused.

"You tried to take on our River while she was spookin' and got knocked on the unconcious 'nd.."

Before Mal could finish they heard footsteps hurrying down the entrance stairs to the bar.

"Let's get out back now," Mal ordered gesturing his head behind Jayne. Mal lifted River hurrying the way he had indicated.

"Awww do we have to bring the dang moonbrained menance?!" Jayne griped. He took one last look around all the men River had shot and decided he wasn't sticking round to be blamed as the last man standing.

Two men in suits were coming down the last flight of stairs to the bar lookin' a mite unfriendly, raising their guns. Jayne shot first, they jumped to the side, one bullet grazing the right man's shoulder. Jayne flew after Mal. Coming out the back door he was in an alley, not seeing Mal he lunged left towards sunlight and hoped Mal or Serenity was at the other end waiting.

* * *

Skipping down the stairs into the bar she wandered around listening to all the conversations as Mal and Jayne went about their business. Simon wouldn't like her being here, but her big brother was with his lovely Kaylee and she didn't want to get in the way. The TV caught her attention, such wonderful colours and funny dancing dolls, she paused for a moment smiling at the advertisement as she mulled it around her senses...

It only took a moment, she didn't remember getting to this point, but as she focussed her eyes all she saw was Mal standing in front of her, not more than twenty feet away. He pointed a gun at her, she didn't understand why. Then her eyes refocussed and she saw the big black ugly gun in front of her, she wanted to drop it but something fought in her head to keep hold of it, then in that mere flash of a second a cacophony of sound filled her mind and she dropped the gun. Taking one look at Mal she saw the shocked look on his face, the mixture of determination and anguish.

She realised she wasn't breathing properly. She felt like she'd just been punched in the stomach and suddenly her dress began to stick to her stomach, she reached a hand down and brought her hand away red, red like the colour that she'd liked on Jayne, red like the sunset, red like the flowers she had gathered for Kaylee, red like...

"Augggh!" She couldn't stop the sound escaping her lips, it burst forth involuntarily. Just as this happened, her whole body seemed to leave her command. Her knees buckled, her eyes blacked out and she felt like the pain racking her body might burst at the seems and start flooding out of her. Her eyes flickered between on and off, all she could see was the floor, stretching out before her and a pair of out of focus boots coming towards her. Then black.

* * *

Tearing through the back streets of this lesser known planet he tried to forget the girl in his arms. She was sleeping, just sleeping. Taking the second right turn, then going under the bridge with the blue sheets hanging on it, he took a final left and found Gal's. Groaning as he lifted her higher and kicked the large wood door to get some attention he lowered he back to his chest level and looked at her for the first time since he'd run from the bar, sweat lined her brow, probably same as his. Looking further down he saw the red spreading from her to him.

"Tian Fan Di Fu, GAL!" Mal roared through the door. "GAL!" He yelled again, about to give up the door opened.

"What the heck is the.." A rasping voice started from behind the door, "Mal, what trouble have you been gettin' into now!" The woman scolded, pulling him by the arm inside. She took one look each way out of her door to check no one was watching and slammed it shut behind them.

Mal walked forward into the dimly lit house, looking for a place to put River. "She's got a bullet in her, needs takin' out now!" Mal asserted, giving Gal a wide-eyed warning of a look.

Gal swept her arm across her kitchen table and slapped a hand down "put her on here.. Quick!"

Gal had first become acquainted with the crew of Serenity and Mal when she had accidentally got caught up in one of their raids that went south planetside. She was a plain sort of a woman, messy blonde curls pulled up round her head framed a cracked face, scars lined her grey eyes. It was only after she learned they were brown coats that she had helped 'em first time. She had fought Independence side in the war, but on a different planet to Mal. She'd deserted when she saw it going south and found safe haven on this planet, minding herself and not making anyone else's business her own either. Mal watched her from the corner as she bent over River, staunching the blood and glowering hard.

"You gonna help me or what gumpot?" She growled from the table. That was her way of calling Mal crazy and he didn't much care for it. He hurried over with the cloth and other things she'd asked him to get from her med kit. She'd been a medic in the war, not one for fighting, but the war had given her reason to get a bit of fight in her. Now she wore it like a cold hard shield. Mal looked down at the frail body he'd punctured, trying not to look up to her face. The doc was a small sort of a man but even he could be deadly if Mal had turned up at Serenity with his sister, having shot her himself. Mal pushed the confrontation to the back of his mind, not wanting to consider what the crew of Serenity would think of him after this. It was his ship after all. He needed to focus. WHACK.

"Ow!" Mal yelled "what was that for?!" Gal had back handed him across the face.

"You looked like you needed bringing back to this 'verse, now give me a ruttin' hand gettin' this bullet out and fixin' this." THUD. THUD. "Who else you been trailin' to my door now Reynolds?" Gal growled from the other side of the table. THUD. THUD. "Take this," She ground out, heading for the door as Mal took her tools from her.

"This ain't what I was hopin' to find on my doorstep any time soon," Mal heard her grumble from the door, "If your gettin' in, do it quickly you great hulkin' oaf."

_Ah_. Mal thought, _Jayne._

"Hold this torch up!" Gal ordered Jayne as they entered the room, thrusting a torch into his hands.

Jayne hung his head grumbling obscenities, but came round to hold up the light non-the-less.

* * *

River woke to a harsh light in her eyes. Screwing her eyes shut again she drew a deep breath and nearly choked gasping for breath, pain shot through her head and hands and right down to her legs. Voices, so many voices.

"All she's done is gettin' us in all kinds of gorram trouble," Jayne grumbled from above her head. The pain racked her body and she tried to curl up in a ball and make it stop, but some force pinned her down, she kicked her legs trying to break free. Taking another deep breath her lips quivered and a tears fell down her face, hitting the surface beneath, each with a deafening thud.

"We need to get off this rock," Jayne warned, "the feds are gonna be on us soon!"

"Quit your grippin' or take it elsewhere, we need to get a plan together before we go anywhere or how out that door,"

Mal! Suddenly it all flooded back to her, she'd been looking round the bar, the gorgeous colours, the umbrellas, the leather boots, the moment of panic, the gun.. The gun! She'd shot Mal!

"Mal!.. Mal!" She shouted, trying to find him again.

"Hush now mei-mei," Mal was standing next to her, she could feel his hand on her arm, "we're gonna get you better now, but you need to be strong for us, stay still now."

Her lip quivered again uncontrollable and tears still fell as she gasped against the pain of someone pulling a thread through her skin. She could feel ever pinch, feel every puncture with every fibre of her body, her brain made sure of that.

She cursed with barely a breath to spare.

* * *

River was asleep, or unconscious again, he wasn't really sure. He paced the kitchen slowly, staring at the tiled floor, tracing the cracks with his boot. The problem of what to do next glaring him in the face. Going back to Serenity was gonna be a problem. If the feds had found out from anyone that Mal had been there doing business with the Feldman boys they wouldn't stop for one second before they started the man-hunt for him, starting with a search of Serenity. In which case Simon would definitely then find out he'd gotten his sister in some sort of trouble.

Wait a minute, it was River that had been the one with guns blazin', runnin' down every mugshot and nobody in there.

"Reynolds," Mal looked up, dazed, Gal was standing in front of him with two steaming cups in her hand, she handed one to him.

"Thanks," Mal grunted, sighing deeply and running a worn hard across his face.

"What happened out there Reynolds?" Gal asked pointedly, she wasn't one for treading lightly around subjects.

Mal tipped his head from side to side, considering her question. "I couldn't tell you," he resigned himself to saying.

"Well you ain't looked at that girl once since I finished pullin' her back together, did a job go south?" She asked, her brow furrowed. When Mal didn't answered and stared glumly into his cup she asked another question, "What's her name?"

Mal sighed again, glanced over his shoulder at the small bundle on Gal's couch, they'd moved her there when after they'd gotten the bullet out and finished sewing her up. She was submerged in old blankets, her hair strewn across her face, Jayne sat in a chair staring at her, keepin' an eye that she didn't start any more funny business as Jayne had put it. Mal knew that was done for now.

"River," he said rubbing his eyes, as if that would erase the image from his head of that moment he'd stuck a piece of metal in her. He thumped his cup down on the side and headed out Gal's backdoor.


	2. Dream On

Gal stared after Mal. "River." This girl sure was stirring up trouble in Mal's head. She'd seen him contemplate what to do next when a plan didn't work out, she'd seen him get them out of almighty scrapes, heard the stories, but this was something different. He was torn, he was unsure. Something was sitting heavy on him. Tearing her mind from the sound of the inner-workings of Malcolm Reynolds she turned back to the patient.

She was a tiny little thing. Slight and long, but not quite gangly. She had long curly brown hair but her complexion was pale, probably from the loss of blood.

Gal traipsed over to the sink and dipped the cloth in the water again. Feeling the cold slosh of water left unattended she turned on the hot tap and looked out the window. What a day. Not what she had expected or hoped for. The sooner they were gone the less trouble she'd get in.

Slapping the cloth back in the water she splashed water down her front. She glared at her front and growled profanities. Stumping over to the couch she set herself down on her knees and wiped away some of the dirt from River's face. Sweat still beaded her face and she slipped in and out of a fitful rest. Yet there was something peaceful and quiet about the face of this girl. She looked innocent, like she had just been caught in the cross fire.

It occurred to Gal that maybe there was more to this than she knew. She suddenly was holding back the thought that she might be treating an assailant, although anyone with Mal was more than likely at least a criminal. Had Mal corrupted this girl?

She shook her head, what a day.

* * *

River stood in Maidenhead Bar, people were being thrown across the room by a small figure in the centre of the commotion, upon further inspection she realised it was her. How odd, she squinted her eyes and concentrated, picking out everything she could feel. Immense fear filled the room, but nothing came from the figure of herself, outside of herself.

Jayne came up behind the pseudo River and was about to grab her, but was quickly incapacitated. She didn't understand what was happening, why was there another her?

She heard someone breathing heavily behind her. She turned and surveyed Mal, he was staring at the other River, he was calculating what to do, she could feel the confusion and uncertainty coming from his mind.

She looked back to her counterfeit and screamed for her to stop when she pointed her gun at Mal.

Everything hung in the air.

Motion ceased and River was walking around an otherwise still room.

She realised she was gulping air down faster than she was exhaling it. Calming herself she moved to the other River.

She ran a finger along the gun she had locked in position. But this River's brow was confused, she looked like she was just waking up. She circled her, seeing where her gun aimed.

Then she noticed something else hung in the air. A bullet, sat precariously mid-flight. River grabbed it, but she couldn't move it. Upon further inspection she realised it was on a trajectory for her, not Mal.

She turned on Mal, hurt and confused. Why would he shoot her?

But in his face she saw weakness, she saw distress.

She put her hands to her head, bewildered, she didn't want to be here any more, where ever this was.

Movement resumed around her, she jumped backwards, gracefully landing crouched ready to defend herself. The thud of her body caught her attention. Her imitation was leaking blood, but she wasn't alone for long.

Mal crouched down next to the pseudo River and put a hand to her wound to stop the blood. Fear rippled through his being. Determination ripped through the air as he tore a nearby man's shirt, tying it around River's torso.

River put her hands over her ears and crouched right down to the floor, she heard her own pain, her imaginary screams running through her mind.

The ghost of Mal spoke in a whisper to her other body, putting an arm under her back and legs, lifting her from the ground.

River woke abruptly, grabbing the arm that flashed across her face. As her eyes focussed she saw a woman with a marked face and curly blonde hair leaning across her, looking at what the woman held, she realised she was no threat, unless she was going to suffocate her with a cloth.

River lay back down taking a deep breath.

"Gal." River stated.

Gal looked at River with piercing blue eyes. "How do you know that?"

"Pain doesn't stop my ears and mine reach further than sound," River said staring at the ceiling. Her mind flashed back over her memories of the past day.

Gal frowned and sighed, "you're a strange one you are."

Gal lifted the flap they had made in her dress, "We'll have to get you in some less mussed up clothes," Gal remarked. She lifted the dressing and replaced it with another, taking her time.

"So what's Mal been coercing you into that ended so poorly?" Gal asked as she worked.

River chewed her lip, mulling the words over in her mouth.

"There was no pressure, just wanted freedom, wanted to explore." River remembered dolefully. "Mal wouldn't make no one do what no one don't want to do," she mimicked Mal's tone, breathing a laugh. "He's a shiny Captian," River said gritting her teeth and hissing through her teeth as pain bit her flesh. She took another breath, "takes care of us, won't let anybody get rid of us. But there is something even braver about him." River thought aloud.

"He is strong, pushing back his memories of the past. Not screaming and shouting at the pain he really feels for what happened."

"He's the only one that lives in as much pain as I do." River said, becoming stoic and quiet.

Gal mused on what River had said. "Well getting you shot don't really seem like proof of his protection now does it?"

River didn't answer. Gal finished redressing her wound and left the side of the couch.

River grabbed her hand. "He didn't mean it," River said, an earnest, calm look in her eyes that made Gal sure this girl trusted Reynolds with her life.


	3. All's Fair in Love and War

Gal woke with a start, she had fallen asleep on one of the armchairs that adorned her living room. Squinting into the darkness she noted Mal was asleep in the armchair next to the couch, not in the bed she'd shown him to in the back of her house. Jayne however could be heard snoring a floor away. She put a hand to her neck and yawned, stretching her taut muscles.

Slumbering into the kitchen she guzzled a drink, ready for a long day. It was still the time before light and there was barely a whisper of life outside.

Gal wandered into the living room, casting an eye over River, luck had been of their side this time.

"It seems all the crows are rising," Mal linked his hands and stretched his arms upwards.

"Mal you idiot," Gal groaned as she rebalanced her drink in her hand.

She wandered back to her arm chair, rubbing her eyes.

"We didn't get a whole lot of a chance to talk last time we barged in," Mal declared, fixing her with a puzzling look. "What connection to the Independence do you have?"

"Did," Gal said through gritted teeth. "What connection _did _I have. Wars long over Mal."

When Mal didn't say anything she continued, sighing as she delved into her memory. "I was a front-line doctor planet-side." She stated not wanting to say any more on the matter.

"That's it," Mal raised his eyebrows, "that's your great war story," he wasn't being callous, he ran two fingers back and forth over his mouth, pondering.

"Here," he swung his legs on to the low table in front of him, "I'll go first," he raised a quizzical eyebrow as if seeking her approval.

Gal smiled slightly, resigning to their exchange of stories, or at least to hearing his story.

It was all he had to share. His legacy. He noticed as she smiled she looked a little younger, it made wrinkles around her eyes, but she looked youthful. Like some weight was lifted.

"I started fighting for the Independents during the Unification War. I wanted to make sure my Mother's ranch didn't end up in Alliance hands. One good kind of thing even I could manage without a hitch. I slowly worked my way to sergeant. The curly haired Gao Guhn of a woman with a big ass gun last time we were here, she was my second-in-command during the war."

Mal sat for a minute or two pondering, taking a trip through the battlefields of his past. He smiled, "something that stays with me to this day is New Kasmir. Me, Zoe and the Independents were fighting Alliance soldiers. We were freezing our asses off, staying in for the long haul when someone chucked something right to the spot where we were hiding. Seeing the apples some of my men grabbed straight for them,"

Mal gestured, reaching forward to grab thin air, his eyes wide remembering,

"wasn't long after that there was just there legs left for us to see, humped we were. There was griswolds in the apples. A mess, what was left of them that ate 'em. Neither me nor Zoe will eat an apple now without cuttin' into it first. Don't much care for them if I have the choice now, but not much choice when you stranded on the edge of the 'verse, huntin' for scraps."

"Then there was the Battle of Serenity Valley," he said the name with gravity, "not much compares to that, the place we lost the war but not the fight."

"What are you yappin' on about Mal, we lost everything when the war ended," Gal's eyes blazed, "Independents have been hiding every since. Granted some in plain sight. But not many would admit their defeat. There's no victory in that."

"Isn't one of our victories still being here to talk about it... Still sticking together. Hell me and my corporal haven't been parted since our war days, 'cept when she's with her husband now," he laughed lightly, ease coming over his face. "Me and her, we're family now."

Mal sat smirking at Gal, who just looked off into the distance, thinking over what Mal had said.

Finally she looked up.

"What?" She snarled.

"Well what's your story, what's your tale of woe, your penny for the jar, your pièce de résistance," Mal goaded, grinning beneath the hand that rested over his mouth.

Gal glanced at him, shying from his stare she gazed out to her kitchen window, staring at the sunrise; the pink, red, yellow and orange that spread across the sky, but it was the red that caught her eye, it dispersed through the other colours, spreading discretely, reminding her so much of what she was about to recall.

"I saw all kinds of ugly out there," Gal said gravely. She stared at the battlefield that flitted across her vision. Blood spreading through the cracked ground, people lay dying, and she couldn't help them. Not all of them.

"None of it's worth tellin' again, if not only for the honour of those it happened to," she breathed deeply, evenly, keeping herself in check.

She traced the scars on her face with middle and index finger, remembering.

"Tell me what happened," Mal asked, not commanding, just inviting.

Gal let out a breathe of curses and frowned hard at the ground.

It felt like twenty minutes had passed before she spoke again, the light outside now filled the living room with a homely glow, but nothing staved off the bad memories.

"I met someone during the war," Gal started.

Mal frowned too, not expecting that, seeing the many possibilities of ends to this story before it had begun.

"He was a soldier I was treating, after a long time looking after him he kept coming back, kept badgering me," Gal smiled, a rare thing, "he was a tree among twigs, he was the light at the end of the tunnel. Waiting to bring me home, bring me out of the stupor at the end of each day. I dared not believe he were real for a while, until it became instinct, it became all I had left. We were at war and there was no time to waste on anything." She chewed the inside of her cheek, tears brimmed, but she held them back.

"One day I was taking a break, it was all he could do to tear me away from the patients, he was.." her voice faltered, "he was coming to warn me. Coming to warn me that the Alliance were coming. But I didn't understand. How did he know?"

She asked her questions aloud, like they'd been brewing for a while with no one to question. "He asked me to leave with him, but the Alliance got there first, they knew him, they told him to get back to what he was supposed to be doing."

Her eyes hardened, "He was a traitor," she couldn't hold her anger for long, "but when they told him to.. to do away with me, he wouldn't. One of the Alliance lunged at me with a knife," she gestured weakly to her face, "and he fought them off. They killed him on the spot and I barely got away... I was runnin' so fast, I couldn't believe what had just happened, the world didn't seem real and then it crumbled away faster than I could hold it."

She finally let the tears fall, but she didn't sob loudly. She didn't fall in a heap. She sat quietly, her head leant on one hand and the other resting on the arm of her chair, letting them take their course.

Mal studied her intently, an intensity held his gaze as he absorbed her tale. Taking long deep breaths. The war had turned many a life upside down, Gal was just another caught in the cross fire. Mal didn't have much sympathy for traitors, but Gal was just a victim of love, a victim of the cruel hardships of needing someone in the weakness of war. Mal swore to himself he wouldn't be vulnerable to that. Ever.

River stirred next to them, turning over in her sleep to escape the light that now invaded the room. She hugged the blanket over herself. Mal had never seen this girl quiet for so long.

Gal interrupted his thoughts, "is she quite a little lady, or just another one of your passengers?" Gal asked curiously.

"She's... well she's definitely something else," Mal said unable to think how else to explain her. He shifted in his chair, he crossed his legs, resting one on the other. "She's not predictable and we're not... we're not exactly sure what goes on inside her pretty little head," he chuckled, gazing over the heap of blanket that was River.

Mal got up, beckoning to Gal, "let's walk outside, I need to stretch my legs, gettin' a mite cramped in the leg area."

Gal followed reluctantly as he led outside, pulling a thick jacket over her shirt as they went into the courtyard behind her house into a brisk morning air.

Mal walked soberly down her garden, following the line of her wall.

"I shot her you know," Mal said startling Gal.

"No I didn't know that, though it don't surprise me much with your track record," she blurted appalled.

Mal's lips formed a thin line, "I look after me and mine and.. and I was caught off with this one," Mal furrowed his brow, "she don't help me think straight." He ran a hand over his face, partly out of habit. Wiping back the wave of anger and remorse and confusion.

He stopped and gazed at a bed of soil, not really seeing it, remembering Simon's words to him.

"_The government was _playing_ with her brain. I don't know if she'll be all right, _

_I don't know what they did to her. Or why. I just have to keep her safe."_

Mal breathed deeply, turning to Gal, "I would do anything to keep that girl safe. She's family, just as much as Zoe or any other of the folk on that ship. I ain't saying what I did was right, I just didn't know what else to do."

"I ain't into religiosity," he said looking up, squinting at the rising sun, "but some higher power needs to help the doc' and us if we have a hells chance of gettin' out of here and figurin' out what to do to help her. She's just a girl... Just a girl with too much in her head and too many prodding around in it."

They both walked in silence for a while, taking in the morning splendour that they could, contemplating their pasts, running over their present, taking stock of every action, anything they could have done differently, anything they could do to help now. A low sombre caught them both and they walked as companionable veterans, not a word to help in what felt like a lifetime of aching.

**Please review :)**


	4. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**References to the _ Sessions _in this chapter. You can find them on Youtube if you want to watch them. It was a viral promotion for _Serenity.  
_****I do not own any of Joss Whedon's characters. Gal is mine.**

"I am not on babysitting duty!" Gal griped, storming back to her room to sleep.

Mal wandered into the living room where River still lay on the couch. He began to wonder where Jayne was, but then again nothing could wake Jayne and he wouldn't be much use in anything that didn't need muscle.

Mal ambled up to the couch, still half asleep, peering down at River she turned her head to face him, her eyes still closed. She swung an arm out almost catching Mal's face, he jumped backwards bewildered.

"Ahhh it's sticking in me!" She screeched in her sleep, she put fingers to her forehead, a concentrated look on her face, squeezing and digging her fingers in. Suddenly she lashed out swinging her arms in front of her face, attempting to get rid of an imagined assailant.

Mal lunged forward grabbing her wrists as carefully as he could.

She relaxed as soon as he had a hold of her. He put her hands at her sides, easing back, letting out his breath, not realising he had been holding it. Her hand touched his, he looked back at her, she had grabbed his hand, but she still wasn't awake.

Sweat beaded on her forehead and lines went down the side of her face, where tears had fallen in her sleep. Her grip on his hand slackened, but she didn't let go.

"I think," she swallowed, "there's been an error," she breathed deeply, her words clear as if she were awake, "please.. please. I want to request a transfer." She groaned, tossing her head from side to side.

"No!" She yelled, abruptly, a scream started to erupt from her mouth.

Mal put a hand over her mouth, "River, River?!" He shook her shoulder trying to wake her. Her screams would bring hell down on them in seconds knowing their luck.

Wide eyed and baffled he stared into her penetrating expression. Slowly he took his hand away, not breaking eye contact.

"Riv.."

She head-butted him, throwing him backwards on to the floor.

Mal groaned. River sat staring at him through slitted eyes.

"Where am I?" She asked confused.

"She didn't mean it. She didn't mean it, she was sleepin', and you know better than to wake a sleepin' man.. or lady. She was just defendin' herself," he muttered to himself.

"Where am I?" She did not want to be ignored.

"You're where you were yesterday, where you were last time you were awake, where you were when the fightin' brok.." He trailed off.

He ran two fingers down either side of his nose, checking it was still straight, going cross-eyed in the process.

"We're on Beaumonde," he answered finally.

"I was in a dark place," River said quietly, staring at Mal, but not really seeing him.

Mal sighed, stood up and went over to River, sitting on the edge of the couch.

He settled for a second then grasped her nearest hand in both of his,

"You're okay now," he assured, casting a cursory glance over her.

"Well you'll be shiny enough soon," he winced as he glanced at her torso.

He realised as he looked back to River he still had a hold of her hands, he let go quickly, looking awkwardly around the room.

"What were you dreamin' about anyway," he asked curiously.

River didn't say anything for a minute and Mal thought she'd gone back to sleep, looking round she was just staring across the room as well, her eyes far away.

"I was in a dark place," she repeated quietly. "There was people, but they weren't people.. they didn't have faces."

She spoke with little feeling. "They had masks on their noses and mouths," a pained look crossed her face. "They hurt me," she said angrily, "and they keep hurting me!" She said gripping her face, shaking it again like she had in her face. "No, no," she muttered quietly to herself.

"River," Mal said, putting a hand to her shoulder. She didn't respond, she just kept shaking herself, as if losing herself to her nightmare again.

"River!" He said more sternly, pulling her hands away, "stop! You're okay," he assured her. He eased his grip on her hands, she squeezed back, tears pooled her eyes as she met his gaze.

"It's so dark," she whispered, "he kept writing with his pen and kept asking questions after questions, more and more," she furrowed her brow thinking, "Simon said he'd come... But he didn't, so I had to get out," she bit the inside of her cheek unsure. "I.. I. I'm dangerous. River's dangerous," she said pulling her hands out of his.

"No, River." Mal said as she pulled away, he put an arm round her side, "no more so than me," he said, not sure what else to say. The ruckus in the bar spoke for itself, but he had shot her too.

River leaned her head against his shoulder, tired after a restless sleep.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"I've been shot," River said in awe, pulling aside the flap in her dress as she gracefully put her feet on the floor, so she sat next to Mal now.

Mal brought his arm back around, leaving her colder. He reached a hand towards the dressing, "that needs changing," he flinched his hand back, not wanting to touch it.

Mal sighed and ran a hand over his face, wiping away the exhaustion. Getting up he rummaged through a couple of draws across the room, pulling out a dressing with a look of triumph, "Here we go, should do the trick," he ambled back to the couch.

River lay back and lay a hand on either side of the dressing.

"Do you think it hurts?" She asked him, wondering.

"I don't know, does it?" He asked confused. He shook his head and peeled back the dressing.

River reached a hand forward and touched the skin next to the healing wound. She hissed through her teeth angrily.

Mal grabbed her hand and pulled it away, "don't be doin' that!" He said incredulously, he stared at her for a second then placed her hand back, exaggerating, at her side. "s'gonna be tender for a while," he told her, "your thrashing didn't help much," he added concentrating on what he was doing.

River leant her head on his shoulder as he worked, "thank you Mal," she said.

Mal's hands froze, he wasn't expecting it, but he quickly got back to work. "Welcome," he said quietly.

River lay back down and observed his quick hands, "I've never been shot," she told him.

"Well it's not somethin' you want to be doin' with any regularity," he mused. "If you find this interestin', there'll be no keepin' you happy after. Nothing quite compares," he joked, a deep laugh escaping his mouth.

When he finished he pulled the flap back over and turning round sank on to the floor, his back to the couch.

River turned on to her side and watched Mal considering him, "your a good man Malcolm Reynolds," she said smiling slightly then closing her eyes. "Don't leave me," she asked quietly.

Mal turned a curious eye, but didn't look completely. Seeing she had her eyes closed intending to sleep he considered her a moment.

She just wanted someone to ward off the nightmares and while he couldn't, he realised she was basically just like anybody else in the 'verse, scared of being alone.

"I'll stay," he said quietly, in case she was already asleep.

"You'll be okay," he added sinking down further and resting his head on the couch, listening to her breathing growing steady as she drifted into, what he hoped, were better dreams.

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	5. Blind Trust

**I'm not sure about the end of this chapter, but enjoy :)  
I do not own Joss Whedon's characters.**

River now wore khaki combats and a t-shirt slightly too big for her. She sat up on the couch, still in the same place.

Jayne sat across from her staring her down. They had been staring at each other for the past ten minutes.  
Mal slumped onto one of the chairs, banging his feet on the ground as he did. Jayne jumped and glared at Mal. "Ain't funny Mal," he muttered, glancing back at River, checking she wasn't taking the opportunity to catch him off guard.

River lurched forwards feigning going for him. Jayne unsheathed his knife, standing up ready for her.

River smirked and leant back again, cocking an eyebrow at him. He flipped his knife in his hand and relaxed, but stormed out the door.

Mal let out his breath, marched to the door and checked Jayne really had stormed off.

"Coast's clear," Mal said happily, "he probably won't bother you again any time soon." Mal assured River turning to look at her.

She was gingerly pulling her legs up onto the couch. Without thinking Mal went over and lifted her, to put her in a comfortable lying position. He stopped mid-air, and they locked eyes, "sorry," he muttered looking away, and lay her down carefully.

"Where's Gal?" Mal wondered aloud.

"Gone to get food," River answered.

Mal looked down at her, "she left early," River continued, "I think she wanted a break from me."

Mal sighed and sat down next to the couch, forming words.

"What makes you say that?" He asked.

"Same thing that makes me think Jayne is terrified of me," she said mysteriously. "It's her eyes," River said gesturing to hers and Mal's, smiling. "They are the window to the soul you know," she mused, leaning on her elbow so she could talk to Mal.

"Oh yer, and what do mine say," he asked amused, widening his eyes as if she were inspecting.

"That you're sorry," she said quietly, tracing an imaginary line between Mal's eyes in the air, "and that you feel guilty. But you're not afraid of me."

Mal gazed hardened, his mouth formed a straight line. After a minute of just studying each other Mal couldn't bear the silence.

"River, at Maidenhead.." Mal began.

River winced noticably. Mal reached out and stopped himself, laying his hand over hers.

"I'm sorry." He said earnestly, like it hurt him too, "I tr.."

"It's not that exact, y'know," River interrupted.

Mal looked confused searching her eyes.

"Bullets." She stated. "You aim one place," she gestured vaguely with her hand, "but once they're inside they go wherever they want. Hit bones, break things." She inhaled deeply.

"Don't know what mine did, but it hurt," she said on the verge of tears. She took a deep breath trying to ebb the flow of emotion.

Mal's gaze faltered and he sat down hard, his back to the couch.

"It was necessary though," River ventured, trying to feel Mal out.

They sat in silence for a while. The sound of people outside bustling along the street invaded the quiet living space. Their breathing hanging in the air, casting a low murmur in the dark atmosphere.

"I'm sorry River." Mal said, still facing the kitchen, looking out across the room. "I was about the only one still standin' and you had.. we both had.." he stumbled over his words, "I shot you." He finished in a resigned voice, like he'd just given away everything he had.

"I know," River said softly. Resting a hand on his tense shoulder, running her thumb back and forth.

Mal took a deep breath, slowly breathing out, and put a hand up to his shoulder, gripping River's in his own.

River felt the tension leave his shoulders slightly. She smiled sleepily, wishing her dreams could be more like this. Wishing she could dream of the people she loved.

"I understand," she said, sighing and lying back down.

"Maybe it'd help if you shot me back," Mal joked, laughing low.

"I'd never do that," River said abruptly, "I'd never need to."

"You are too sweet a gal to be shootin' your friends," Mal said lightly.

"I don't think I am," River said glumly. "I've done bad things..."

"Many of us have been to a dark place, by no meanings of our own," Mal murmered.

"It was in the dark place," River answered grimly, not looking at Mal, instead staring at the ceiling in the hopes it might swallow her up and she wouldn't have to tell someone how dangerous she actually was.

"The first guy died on the table..." River stated bluntly, anger seeping in the edges of her voice. "They didn't want me to know. Makes River less amenable. Makes her stubborn. So she lied... She asked to write it down and stuck the pen right in him."

Mal winced at the thought of them taking a young innocent girl and making her compliant. Or at least trying with River, he was happy she was strong, but it sure as hell hadn't made much difference to the outcome for talked with such vehemence he knew she had suffered there. He studied her expression, her anger and pain plain on her face, but something else was there.

She wouldn't look at him.  
"I killed him Mal," she said in a barely audible whisper. "Which is why," she said, regaining her voice, "you need to take care of my brother for me, and I need to go away."  
Mal smiled. River glanced over at him, frowning.  
"I'm not lettin' you go anywhere else in this 'verse without us, you're part of my crew. I trust you."

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